It's been almost 4 months since my last post. Felt like the inspiration wouldn't come into my room. Perhaps because I was happy for some reasons, haha. Like people said, "kalo susah dibagi-bagi, giliran seneng disimpen sendiri", hehe. Well it does happen to a lot of people, including me. And now when I'm not so cheery, I end up in my room again, sitting behind my desk in front of my computer, writing this post.
Remember the story of Barbara, James, and Alex? It actually has an unhappy ending. Well it hasn't ended literally, but Barbara had her mind made up. As a matter of fact, Barbara had chosen from the beginning. And her choice was Alex, who apparently never had any intention to go any further than being good friends with her.
This dilemma did fill Barbara's head once: "Which one should I choose: the man I love (but he might not love me back), or the man who clearly loves me?" Barbara never admitted this, but I always knew, with all Barbara had, she didn't even have to break a sweat to pick some smart, good-looking, and religious man for a boyfriend or a husband-to-be: James, for instance.
So why not James? Simply because Barbara did not love him. She did not want to have a relationship with a man she didn't love. And she didn't bother trying to love him. She'd rather die fighting for Alex. It has always been him. It sounds illogical, unreasonable, and preposterous indeed.
This story of Barbara's love life is a proof that there is no equation for people falling in love. Love isn't linear nor cubical, it is not mathematical. It is not like our forever RPG video game such Harvest Moon: after we gave a girl a gift everyday then the girl's heart will change colors eventually, and when the color turns red, we can ask the girl to marry us by giving her some wedding ring.
Real life doesn't work like Harvest Moon. It happened on me, it happened on James, when we started giving the one we love the thing he/she wants most. It didn't change anything. My gift wouldn't turn the man's heart into red. James's gift didn't make Barbara love him back. "What you give is what you get" is not always true.
However, no matter how love is not mathematical, I remember a friend of mine told me an interesting falling-in-love equation:
Interested + comfortable + chemistry = "jatuh cinta".
According to him, the typical reason why people's love stories are failing is because the element of the equation is not complete. Some derivatives of the equation mentioned:
Interested + comfortable = "abang-adek aja".
Interested + chemistry = "teman tapi mesra".
I'm not sure which derivative happened to Barbara-and-Alex and James-and-Barbara. But Barbara knew that somehow, she's just not Alex's type. And so is James-and-Barbara. Too many resistances, like "I don't want to have any more just-for-having-fun relationship", or "It's time for me to get married".........
Maybe some of us think those reasons are a bit cheesy. Nevertheless, we still have to respect even if we think "Oh please" about those beliefs. We may not think about marriage these days, but maybe someday, after 20-something when we're at the same age as James, Alex, and Barbara, we'll start to think about it.
After this poetic tragedy, Barbara just kept trying to carry on her relationship as good friends with Alex while he still has no intention to expand his relation with Barbara. James started to get over, remind himself to move on. He whined about Barbara at me sometimes, but it's normal. He actually has an admirer today. Maybe it's not a very good news because as far as James told me, he is not into this cute junior (yet) because she's just not his type like Barbara's just not Alex's type. And this junior would keep trying just like Barbara.
The peculiar bond between James, Alex, and Barbara makes the story somehow familiar, doesn't it?
